


That'd be sick

by AndaisQ (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Depression, Gratuitous abuse of the Japanese language, I mean not that much but there's some mistakes, M/M, Or at least the fake version of it, Sadstuck, Slight canon deviation, Slight mood whiplash (jokes in sadstuck), Sort of schizophrenia, Time Travel, very very sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-13
Updated: 2012-02-13
Packaged: 2017-10-31 03:27:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/339361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/AndaisQ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at Davesprite.</p>
<p>Why did he come back?</p>
<p>What were things like in the months before he did?</p>
<p>The answer: Not so great.</p>
<p>Sadstuck, obviously (Davesprite isn't an especially joyful person, generally speaking.)</p>
<p>There are a couple of references to other fics. Also, the hidden text has various meanings. And I added yet another totally unnecessary meaning to the word "scratch"! Yay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That'd be sick

**Author's Note:**

> Don't read it if you're looking for fluff or hilarity ("hilarity" with air quotes if necessary) like my normal stuff.

Dave slashes through yellow and red fiends like a metronome. Grist flows and he collects it absently. He decapitates a hulking ogre and dismembers a glaring basilisk and slashes furiously at the fucking devil-puppet-sprite, turning back the flow a dozen times in frustration to stab it again (and _again_ and _again_ and again and again and AGAIN.)

His sword passes through it every time and it vanishes with a fading cackle, " **HEE HEE HEE** HO HO HO hoo hoo _ha ha ha_..." as it always does  every one of the thousands of times youve done exactly this, leaving him with a knot in his throat and the sour taste of bile just behind his tongue.

He wishes there was something he could do, anything, something that would relieve the throbbing _tick tock tick tock tick tock TICK TOCK_ (and chiming the minutes hours days weeks months) in his skull and the sick tightness in his chest. He punches a rock as hard as he can, hoping it'll break or that your hand will or something but it doesn't do anything, just scrapes his fist and leaves him even more full of rotten disgust than before. He feels so damn trapped. Trapped on this planet, trapped in this world, trapped in this game, trapped in this life it would be so easy to escape.

He's trapped and John's dead oh god. No chance to see how much farther their friendship might have gone. He'll never know how they might have been if they were together. If there would have been ironic dinner-and-a-movie dates and ironic French Maid outfits and ironic candy bouquets. If there would have been sloppy makeouts intraspecies for once and cooking lasagna the only recipe youll ever need and learning ASL just for the puns age/sex/location and john would make exactly that joke for months. If they'd have been the kawaiiest animes ever to yaoi. Well, John isn't going to be doing any of that now, because he's a burnt, battered _CORPSE whered he go why isnt he moving why cant he wake up bro whats happening_ dead. Maybe he's living it up all sugoi and shit in whatever crazy afterlife the game makes up, but Dave's not there with him  you could be it would be so easy youve got the sword theres the lava so easy.

He's trapped and John's dead oh god and so is Jade why. His best friend, "the greatest mom a guy could ever hope for" more true than youd like to admit and you lost her as he always deadpanned when she pestered him about his bad habits. She won't be making weird-ass cryptic comments or talking to him while she's asleep wave your left hand around a bit or praising her devilbeast over his half-hearted protests and putting down his bro over the same and the other way around of course thats how it works. They won't keep each other in check and jab at each other with clever little quips and cry on each other's shoulders. She stayed in contact for a few hours after oh god oh god why is this happening John, keeping up everyone's spirits, but then the final meteorite struck. They don't know for sure she died, but there's no Land of Guns and Yiffing she wasnt really a furry that way it was always just a joke you would have given up everything for her and you can do the math planet dead plus no new planet equals jade dead oh god its all gone everythings gone.

He's trapped and John's dead oh god and so is Jade why and-

And then Rose please no.

Rose is just crazy now were all mad here. She talks like she always did, but there's this _undercurrent_ of something. She'll soar off on a sweeping tangent that barely even connects to the conversation  quantum physics or the new alchemiter recipe she found or the horrorterrors, but when confronted she'll flash right back on topic and completely forget what she had been talking about two seconds ago. And there's always this darkness bubbling up, her words never quite looking right on his screens Dav͜e͘,͠ ̸what̢'͘s̵ ̴wŗo̢n͡g?͜. He thinks she might have been hit even harder by jesus just stop doing this John and why are you doing this Jade than he was. He hasn't seen her in person since they recovered John's broken burnt savaged body carcass husk for burial, but he thinks she's trying to dismantle the game or something. In between bouts of staring blankly into space and scrawling gibberish onto whatever's flat enough for scribbling, that is.

He doesn't know where it all went wrong, but everything's gone to hell and so has he. Drowning in heat and cackling laughter, interminable days consumed by meaningless, repetitive tasks. He's Sisyphus, always pushing at his task slice turn collect grist slash turn collect grist stab turn cry collect grist, crushed again every time he stops to breathe. He's Tantalus, always thinking of all the things bro, jade, rose, _john_ he can never have. He's Judas, he's betrayed his friendleader  john and he couldn't help it, he just couldn't get through to god john why him and he _let_ john please why is this happening him down, JOHN the Heir is dead and it's ALL HIS FAULT god john forgive me please.

He's considered spinning back a few times a thousand times a million times. The first time was only a few minutes after _welp its all over its gone game over_ the incident. He thought frantically _i can do this, i can go back and get through to him somehow_. He waited for some troll to call him, to tell him he could do it  or tell you that you couldnt so you could ignore them, then he realized that their names had vanished from his phone. He saw it then. 

He couldn't spin back and doom this timeline. 

It was already doomed. 

That took a lot of pressure off at first, honestly. He realized he had to figure out the game and to gain grist and weapons and everything he could get for their past selves. 

Then Jade died why god why would you do this how do you do these horrible things. 

And he thought _this is too fucking much i cant do this this isnt going to work how could this happen_ and he started to reverse his tables. 

But then Rose called. And in her detached icy-calm  traumatized scared little girl too young for this too damn _young_ way she convinced him that this was necessary.  If we can't help them from this eminently privileged position of nothing we do mattering whatsoever, she said in smooth terrified lonely shutting herself off in a cage of fancy words and detachment lilac tones, then have we not failed them far more than you feel we already have?

And after that every day was a struggle, struggling not to just pick up the tables or the sword and just scratch deep through your chest or your throat or your spine back to a few minutes before John went through the gate _stupid stupid STUPID STUPID what were you thinking you moron_ and tell him _STOP STOP STOP_ that he loves him and everyone loves him and please just _don't do it you'll DIE don't die again_ listen. But he can't, he has to wait, he has to do everything,  alone, winning the game without him almost, then, _then_ going back. 

He gets past Hephaestus. __get the hammer give it to john the pain fire doesnt hurt does its all in my pain pain burning fire head nothing everything hurts burns its ok ive god been through worse no i havent it hurts just have to go please no more get the hammer give it to john burning it can pain save fire him god it stops burning no time oh god get the hammer give it to john

He alchemizes for months on end, ignoring the little voice saying WASTING TIME that he should GO GO GO spin back already, reminding it _FOR FUCKS SAKE SHUT UP ALREADY_ that he needs to be prepared or he'll be worse than useless. 

After four months he can't stand the cackling anymore. He's ready to go back. He tells Rose, scratches the needle across slick black vinyl _never did end up killing myself thats nice_ and feels time  die screaming turn back and he feels the timeline's offshoot, this mockery of the alpha, dissolve in horrible agony every particle of the universe keening in unutterable torment as its bent back until everything snaps back into its true self. 

He appears before his younger self and, with practiced ease practiced too long hours in a cramped space so you could always do it more time wasted but who cares he knocks the puppet out of the shocked boy's hands, releases his entire sylladex even your clothes because what if that cheap-ass suit is totally essential somehow and leaps spinning into the kernelsprite. 

His consciousness vanishes and reforms, whole, before his mind's eye. 

He wakes up after a nanosecond of eternity and looks around. He can't see anything green. Huh. 

And the voices are gone. Thank God. 

He looks over at the Dave before him. A scared little kid. 

But there's a John to save, and here's the current leading candidate to save his incompetent ass. 

And he saves him. 

Well, they save him. 

Dave saves him. With the power of friendship. The newly-christened Davesprite watches from the sidelines and feels his impaled, nonexistent heart ripped out and crushed a thousand times. 

John doesn't like him. 

John barely tolerates him. 

John doesn't even trust him. 

What did he come back for? 

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah. I wrote this because Valentine's was coming up and I was too depressed Friday to write anything else. (Guess whether or not I have a boyfriend? :P) However, I'm feeling a lot better and a new ATTAF may be coming up. I'll see about working on another one-shot if the mood strikes.
> 
> Also, Jesus Christ what is with all this Dave I'm writing? I don't write him that well, and I don't even like him especially much as a character. And Dave/John interferes with two of my OTPs! AAAAAAAA WHAT IS THIS THINGS THAT I AM DOING THEY MAKE NO SENSE


End file.
